Just Isn't So
by Faggotarino
Summary: Though even through all that, it was apparent it wasn't the same for the other. They exchanged a hello when they saw one another, and Amir waited with bated breath for the other to spark up conversation. However, that just wasn't so.
1. Introduction

He wasn't entirely sure how it became like this.

All he could recall was an exchanging of certain words beneath the winter stars, red wine, and an endless night of empty passion. He could still feel it all. He could still feel hands crawl up his body as his own ran down his lanky structure. He could still feel his fingers entwining in his coal-black hair while the other tugged on his. He could still hear the sound of almost emotionless pants in his ear mixing in with his grunts. He could still taste the bitter-sweetness of his skin. He remembered every detail of that night, even the rate that his heart pounded after waking up in a bed other than his, yet he wasn't sure how it got to that point. He couldn't recall what was said, but he was sure it was something rarely spoken even between lovers. It had to be that. Why else would his gut twist at the thought?

...If that was the case, why did he act like it never happened? Was something like that really so casual to him, that he could wake up the next morning and keep the previous relationship the two had before then? It wasn't like that for Amir. He wasn't sure how it was over here, but in his country, such acts were considered an expression of love, that a man and a woman did when they love one another- or, in this case, a man and a man. That notion seemed pretty strange, two men doing that sort of thing that is, but he wasn't the one to discriminate. Though even through all that, it was apparent it wasn't the same for the other. They exchanged a hello when they saw one another, and Amir waited with bated breath for the other to spark up conversation.

However, that just wasn't so.


	2. Chapter 1

**So as it turns out, I really am going to continue this because my friends keep bugging me to. No happy endings here.**

**Oh, for whatever reason I thought I had written the original drabble in Amir's point of view so I wrote it as that to only find out I was wrong. I then decided I was too lazy to basically rewrite the entire thing so I kept it with the odd POV change.  
**

* * *

****I don't even think he cares.

He exchanged words of love with me, he held me, he deflowered me, he _loved _me, but only for that night. Afterwards, he only said hello or nodded his head when he passed me. He started no conversation, said no more than a few words to me every other day. Though, I suppose I could also be to blame, seeing as how I was doing no differently than he. Maybe he really didn't feel nothing at all, maybe he was in the same situation as me. Perhaps he wanted to talk to me but was too scared to, just like me...Though I highly doubted that. I considered for a second that maybe because there was alcohol that maybe he didn't remember, but that didn't make much sense either. We woke up in the hotel bed, nude, we even shared some tea, albeit in silence. It was unmistakable of what we did. Perhaps it was the influence of drinking that had made him say and do those things. He regretted it, didn't he? I didn't mean a thing to him.

It hurt, it really did. I've stayed up the past two weeks rolling around in bed imagining the worst case scenario. I felt as if I was ready to have a breakdown or something.

It had all been said and done in winter. This silent pain had gone on through all of spring and over half of summer and even though I didn't want to, it was almost time for me to leave back to my country for my father's birthday. I did consider not going this year, but I didn't want to disrespect him or upset him. However, I didn't want to seem so depressed for his day, either.

There's no winning in this situation. I'm completely screwed over.

I decided I would confront him today.

...Hm. Confront is such a strong word. Rather, I would just have a small talk with him, as opposed to snapping or getting mad at him. I'm sure whatever reason he had would be reasonable and certainly not what I had imagined. He was distant, but he was not a bad person. He wouldn't stoop as low.

Yet, there I stood at his door shaking scared. My thoughts ran towards _what if he rejects me _or _what if he thinks I'm completely disgusting_ and other negative ideas. Maybe he wasn't even in to men- Well, in all fairness, neither was I. Somehow, though, I just felt drawn to him.

I managed to throw away my fears for just that moment after a few short, violent, breaths. I curled my right hand in to a tight fist. So tight that my knuckles actually turned white.

I knocked.

The door opened.

"Lloyd-"

"Ah, Amir." He smiled. He actually smiled. "Just who I wanted to see."

"...Really?" Did he mean that? I lit up. I'm sure my eyes were probably bright and big and I could have been literally sparkling. His tone was so strangely kind compared to his blunt ignorance of me. My whole body tingled my stomach twisted. I was anxious.

He probably felt that obvious aura coming off of me and it must have made him feel just a bit uncomfortable as he awkwardly coughed to re-catch my attention. He gave a small smile again and spoke.

"Gretel and I are getting married next week, you should attend."

My heart could have burst.

He was so nonchalant about so, so sickeningly friendly. So much so, it had taken a few moments to register and when it did it hit me like a hammer to my skull. My stomach dropped and my blood went cold.

"Oh." Was all I managed to get out. Not even a word. Just a sound.

I really wanted to yell at him. I really wanted to tell him how cruel he was, but I couldn't. He had no know how this made me feel, nobody could be so dim and oblivious.

"Now, what did you want, Amir?" He asked. He sounded so damn _happy. _

"Oh, uh..." I swallowed a large lump that had formed in my throat, "I just wanted to say goodbye before I leave for my country..."

I was such a horrible liar.

He nodded. I guess he bought it. "Alright, see you." He close the door.

He turned to start walking back to the hotel but once i passed that tree that his hammock was tied to, I fell to my knees and began crying.


End file.
